I sat down with my boss to give him feedback on a project. There were others he had to see that morning, and he planned to catch a flight that afternoon, so my scheduled time with him was short.He listened attentively to my summary. Then I thanked him for the meeting and leaned forward to get up from the chair. He sat there and looked at me as though he was expecting me to say more. Had I left out something important?
I eased back in the chair. For a moment we were both silent. Then, as though someone tapped me on the shoulder to whisper something, the thought came: He wants to listen to you. But he’s a busy executive on a tight schedule, I thought. And I’m one of dozens of people he’ll see today. What more can I say that would be of value to him?
I mentioned a few additional points about the project and then made a few unrelated personal comments. To my surprise, those comments got the conversation into full swing. Before long we were having a leisurely—yet meaningful—conversation about my life and his, the kind one typically has with close friends. The conversation changed my frame of reference. He was now a different man in my eyes, not just my boss but a sincerely interested and trustworthy friend.
Although this happened long ago, it left a lasting impression. It taught me something about individual worth and how we need to value it in ourselves, as well as in others. That executive/friend showed me a degree of respect that, quite honestly and ignorantly, I didn’t think I deserved.
Why recall this now? Because in the wider world, cold, stormy, or indifferent relationships have become business-as-usual among many of us, and a greater value of respect for one another would be a fitting start for anyone wanting to foster better ties.
Where to begin? Why not with a renewed discovery of that ancient guide for how to treat one another, Jesus’ Golden Rule: “All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.”
The Golden Rule encourages a higher standard for relationships; it calls for mutual respect—a form of love—even while so much in the world argues against it. When accepted as a rule to live by, the precept to “do unto others as we would have them do” fulfills the deeper obligation we all have to live up to who and what we are.
We’re to love one another because of our shared link to one Creator, who is Love itself. And we’re naturally drawn to this Love because we are family, a real family. You and I are the image and likeness of divine Love, and this means that our nature is in fact a completely loving one. So often it’s our lack of knowledge concerning that fact, or our inability to live up to it because that feels difficult (or because we don’t even care to try), that causes us to treat one another as strangers or enemies, instead of as brothers, sisters, and close friends.
But our rootedness in God as His likeness gives a foundation from which to value and improve our own characters, and at the same time cultivate respect-filled relationships with others.
The possibilities that can grow out of doing this are endless. “One infinite God, good,” wrote Mary Baker Eddy, “unifies men and nations; constitutes the brotherhood of man; ends wars; fulfils the Scripture, ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself;’ annihilates pagan and Christian idolatry,—whatever is wrong in social, civil, criminal, political, and religious codes; equalizes the sexes; annuls the curse on man, and leaves nothing that can sin, suffer, be punished or destroyed.”
Think of the opportunity we all have to make a positive difference in someone’s life. We can look for and expect to see the best, not the worst, in ourselves and others. To have more patience and respect, be better listeners, give correction where correction is warranted, and at the same time deliberately resist self-condemnation, disrespect, posturing, self-interest.
As ancient as it is, the Golden Rule hasn’t lost its relevance. It’s not only informing people how they should treat others, but how they should see themselves. As children of God, we’re each entitled to enormous respect. The more we all practice this, the more right it will feel to do so, and the odder it will seem that we haven’t been doing so all along.